Of Scars and Lost Youth
by About-Yearning
Summary: "Ginny doesn't know how to be herself anymore." Mostly canon until epilogue, some people didn't die.
1. The Breaking Point

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. Obviously. Because if I owned Sirius Black he would not be dead!**

**Author's Note: This is mostly canon until the epilogue. However, changes include Fred, Remus, and Tonks still being alive, and Harry being gay-something I think we would've noticed earlier in the books if he was. Otherwise, I try and keep everyone in character. The emphasis is on Ginny and Sirius, but there is also some Remus/Tonks, Harry/Draco, and Hermione/Ron. No character bashing, and no OOCness. I hope. WARNING: some content relates to abuse. **

**This is a multi-chapter short fic. **

There were some days when Ginny couldn't recognize herself.

Where was Ginny Weasley, the brave, fiery redhead who spent the better part of a year leading a resistance against the Carrows regime at Hogwarts? Where was the girl who'd fought against Bellatrix Lestrange in the final battle?

She was still there, most of the time. She made an appearance for family get-togethers, or to cast her famous Bat Bogey Hex on creepy old men pestering her while she was out shopping.

But now, tonight, while the boy who she called her lover yelled insults at her and threw her small body against the wall, she felt like someone unrecognizable.

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Harry was a dear friend, and she was glad for their short-lived romance. But it had taken both of them less than a month after the battle to realize the surprising yet somehow comfortable truth: that he was gay, and that they would be much better off as close friends. So they'd ended, amicably. It worked out for the best, though, because Ginny had found a surprising confidante and supporter in the gentle black-haired saviour of the wizarding world.

After the Battle of Hogwarts, the Golden Trio had decided to return to school to repeat their skipped seventh year, with Ginny. It had been a good year, the first that they had ever experienced where there were no basilisks, no dementors, and no return of the Dark Lord. Afterwards, they'd moved back to 12 Grimmauld Place, and Harry had invited Ginny (who'd become much closer to them all during the year, a sort of honorary fourth member to the trio) as well. Remus, Tonks and their baby Ted had moved in too. ("Plenty of rooms here, and I need to get to know my godson," Harry had said emphatically when they'd tried to refuse.) Harry and Ron had become Aurors, and Hermione was the new and very young co-head, with Remus as her partner, of the freshly renovated Department For The Regulation of Magical Creatures. The "control" part of the name had been dropped after Kingsley was made Prime Minister. He'd decided that now that he had the power, it was time someone finally did something about the century-old discrimination against beings like werewolves and house-elfs. Hermione and Remus, of course, were only too glad to be those people.

But Ginny had not become an Auror, as everyone had expected. She'd entered the Unspeakable-training program. Her family, overprotective as always, had not been too happy at first. But a year later, when she had managed to complete her pet project and bring forth the people trapped behind that fateful Veil, everyone had stopped complaining.

Sirius had come back as handsome as ever, the same age as he was when he fell, and had immediately moved in with Harry and company. It was heaven, for a few short months. Harry had been ecstatic to have his godfather back, Remus his best friend, Tonks her favorite cousin, and Ginny was over the moon as well. No one had really understood it at the time, but she'd grown quite close to the Marauder during her fourth year. Ex-con and young girl, but both had experienced horrors few others had survived, and although they never talked about it, they'd just gotten each-other somehow.

But slowly Ginny had realized that things couldn't stay the same. She couldn't live in that house, the same house with the man she realized she'd come to so irrevocably love but who'd never love her back. She was too young, forever a child in his mind, and he was the famous Sirius Black, heartbreaker extraordinaire. He hadn't returned to his womanizing ways since he'd been expelled from the Veil, but she knew it would only take time. And she didn't know how she'd handle it if the man she had loved since was fourteen broke her heart.

So she distanced herself.

And then she met Jasper, and everything fell into place.

He was American, just moved here after the war to help with rebuilding efforts. 23, just four years older than her. Handsome. Rich. Unbelievably charming. And the first boyfriend besides Harry who her family liked. Really, adored was the right word. He'd flashed a smile at her across a grocery store checkout line, and four weeks later she'd lost her virginity to him (though it hadn't felt like that. "Virgin" always seemed to imply pure, untouched. And she was neither. Hadn't been since _him_). Six weeks later she was moving in with him. She didn't love him, not like she loved Sirius. But Sirius was a lost cause, and Hermione had Ron, and Remus had Tonks and Harry had Draco (a surprise, that. Ron hadn't talked to Harry for two straight weeks after discovering who his best friend was dating. But Draco had changed, after the war-even Ron could see that-and no one could deny that they weren't unbelievably cute together). Everyone but Ginny had someone, or so she felt. During school, she'd had many boyfriends, yes, but they'd always been so very...boyish. She'd kissed them, and held hands, sometimes a feel here or there, but they'd never been...close. In the end, it all came back to Tom. She hadn't been able to tell those casual boys about Tom and the Chamber, and that had prevented any sort of real relationship.

But it all came flowing out to Jasper. She'd told him everything, at once, like she couldn't help herself. And it was soon after that that things changed. He got angry more often, began yelling at her, where before he'd always been smoothly calm and quick to forgive.

Then one day, he came home to discover that she'd forgotten to make dinner, even though it was her night. He'd slapped her, hard and stinging, and they proceeded to have angry, rough sex against the kitchen wall.

The next morning she had bruises, and flowers on the table from a contrite boyfriend. He was sorry he lost his temper, he said.

That was the beginning of the end. And she knew it-it wasn't that she was naive. She knew what was happening, what would become of her if she didn't leave. But she couldn't.

Tom, it all came back to Tom.

Because there was some small part of her, the eleven-year-old who'd poured her soul into an unknown diary, the little girl who had been broken by the unwelcome spirit and unwelcome touch of a young dark lord in the Chamber of Secrets, who felt that this was what she deserved. She was damaged, after all. Surely possession leaves a mark on a soul? And who would want her after they found out what had really happened to her in the bowels of the school...

Jasper knew, and he had stayed at least. A few bruises seemed no more than she deserved. Besides, her famlly adored him, and everyone expected them to get married. So she stayed.

But it did get worse, with every mistake she made, every little thing that set him off. And after four months of dating, he seemed to be confident that she would stay, that she wouldn't tell. So he got meaner, because he could, and because bruises can be fixed with magic.

Which led to tonight. She'd been late, had visited Harry and co. at Grimmauld Place. She hadn't seem them in a while, and could tell they were worried. The way Sirius looked at her sometimes... she felt like maybe he knew. But he hadn't said anything, and she had come home. Late.

Jasper was drunk. That didn't help. And now he was dragging to her the bed, and hitting her, and he was on top of her and oh Merlin she could barely breathe. In the next minute he was inside of her, and it _hurt._ It almost always did these days, but she didn't care too much. She'd never liked it, and pain was nothing new. But he was even rougher than usual. And then he finished, and left, slamming the door behind him. Off for more drinks with friends, she supposed.

She sat there, on the bed, in her torn nightgown, and cried. Cried because she didn't want this, this wasn't her, wasn't her life, and yet she couldn't imagine anything else.

And then she saw it. On the shelf by the bed, the only thing of hers that Jasper had allowed in the bedroom: a picture, of her and Luna. It was taken a week or so after the final battle, and they were both smiling ecstatically, and waving.

_I miss being her_, she realized. _I miss being Ginny._ Who was she, anymore? And suddenly, with a jolt that made her realize what people meant when they talked about "inspiration striking them", she decided that she had to find out. She had to become Ginny again. When was the last time she'd talked, really talked to Sirius? They'd been so close, but after Jasper he had seemed different. Harder, sadder. All she wanted now, was to be held by Sirius and called "Ginny", and smile again.

So she got up, in a daze. She could barely move-_I think a rib is broken, _she thought idly to herself. Not really thinking about anything, but that sheneeded him, needed to see Sirius, she apparated to Grimmauld Place. Harry, Draco, Ron and Hermione were out dancing, she knew. Harry had told her earlier, invited her along (_when was the last time I went dancing?_ She wondered). Remus and Tonks were sleeping, she imagined. It was late. Was it too late? But Sirius would be up. He was always up. She knocked on the door then, and walked in without waiting. It had been her home, once. "Sirius?" She called, once inside the hallway (they'd blasted the painting of Sirius' horrible mother soon after moving in, thankfully). "Ginny?" Said a familiar voice from somewhere in the kitchen.

He came running out, and she caught a glimpse of those familiar warm grey eyes and a flash of that devilish grin.

Then everything went dark.

**I haven't written much fanfiction, so I'd love some reviews. The more constructive the better, but even one word about what you think would be appreciated. Thanks!**


	2. Of Healing and Understanding

When Ginny opened her eyes, she was laying on something soft and someone was pleading with her.

"Ginny, please, Ginny, wake up!" Sirius, she realized. Only, that familiar deep voice was now rough with worry. She blinked her eyes, and his anxious features swam into view. "Sirius?" She croaked.

"Oh thank Merlin!" He yelped, and embraced her. "Ow, ow!" He released her quickly, frowning. "Merlin, Ginny. What happened to you? Was it a leftover Deatheater?" His voice turned low and murderous on this last word. Even a year and a half after the end of the war, there were still some Voldemort supporters on the loose. They mostly stayed in hiding, but sometimes one or two would launch a revenge attack, and Harry and his friends were prime targets.

"No. No, don't worry, it wasn't. It was..." But Ginny couldn't finish. She was on the couch in the living room she realized, and she quickly turned her face towards its back. Away from Sirius' view. What would he think? What would any of them think?

A warm hand touched her chin, gently turning her face back towards him. He was closer now, kneeling by her head. "Ginny. Ginny, look at me. Who was it?" His voice was very kind. Too kind. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks.

"Jasper." Her voice cracked at the one word.

She saw something dark settle over Sirius' face then. A shadow, a bitter twist to his mouth, and a glint of something evil in his eye. For the first time in a long while, she saw in him the face of someone who had spent thirteen years in prison. "That fucking bastard. I'll kill him. " His voice was low and harsh and utterly without remorse. She knew he meant it. "No, no!" She rasped, and placed her hand on his arm, trying to soothe him. "How about we worry about my ribs, then plan murder?" She said, in a weak try at humor. He didn't laugh, but the dark look left his face, replaced by worry and a bit of contrition. "Of course, of course." He said, drawing his wand."I'm so sorry, love, I should have healed you earlier." He moved closer, but then hesitated. "I, uh, need to feel which ones are broken." He looked a bit embarrassed. "Oh, right!" She flushed, and, thankful for the blanket he had draped over her from the waist down, drew up her nightgown. No need for him to see the bruises on her thighs. As it was, his face twisted at the mottled purple of her stomach. "I think it's broken here," she said, touching her stomach in an attempt to draw his attention away from the overall state of her torso. Her gasp of pain as she found the right spot did the trick, and he quickly set to work muttering spells. "I had no idea you were so good with healing," she whispered. He smiled up at her, finishing the last of the charms on her ribs before moving on to the bruises. "Well, working for the Order and all..." She nodded. Of course. "Well," he said hesitantly. "That's that. Anywhere else I should heal?" He looked like he was worried of her answer. "No," She lied. She would do the rest herself. She'd gotten good at it...

"Love?" His soft query shook her from her thoughts. "Yes, Sirius?" If she'd thought he looked nervous before... "How long has this been going on?" Oh no. Not this. Here comes the questions, the judgement. "Can we not talk about this?" Her voice came out harder than she'd intended. He looked away. "Of course, love." He looked back though, and his tone, while soft, was determined. "We have to report him, though. In the morning. Even if it's to Harry and Ron... The Aurors need to know." Ginny nodded. She'd expected him to say so, and while her stomach twinged at the thought of a trial, of standing in front of people and talking about what had happened... She didn't want Jasper doing this to anyone else. She had to do the right thing.

"Alright. Well," said Sirius, "You should probably sleep now. Upstairs, or down here?" She smiled, unbelievably grateful to him for dropping the matter. "Down here'd be nice. The fire and all..." She trailed off, yawning. Sirius chuckled, and drew the blanket up around her. "All right, love." She tried to keep her eyes open, but the room was so warm, and her torso tingled comfortably from the healing spells. As her eyelids fluttered shut, she felt him press a kiss to her forehead. And then she was out.

"...Fucking son of a bitch..."

"...Throw him to the dementors, and never look back..."

Voices drifted in and out of Ginny's consciousness. The first was deep and rich. Sirius? Another male voice as well... Softer, but unflinchingly cold. Remus, she realized, but sounding harsher than she had ever heard him before. Another person entered the conversation then, a woman. Tonks.

"...Told Harry and Ron yet?"

"...Still asleep. Hungover, from last night..."

Ginny opened her eyes. The voices, and the smell of coffee, were drifting out of the kitchen. Slowly, she stood up. Everything seemed to be working. Taking a deep breath for courage, and wrapping the blanket tightly around her (Oh, why hadn't she brought clothes?), she entered the kitchen.

Tonks, her hair a deep red and her eyes fierce, was standing next to a hard looking Remus Lupin. Sirius was at the stove, his back to Ginny, flipping bacon.

"Erm... good morning?"

With three simultaneous starts that would have been funny at any other time, her friends jumped and turned towards her. Sirius was the first to speak. "Morning, love." He gestured with a spatula to the table. "Sit. Plate of bacon and eggs coming right up." Ginny thanked him, and slid into the seat, not quite able to look at Remus and Tonks.

A gentle hand clasped her arm. She looked up into Remus' earnest face. He smiled at her, like any other morning. The coil of tension in the pit of Ginny's stomach loosened a bit.

"You know," Tonks voice was as loud as ever. "First year I was an Auror, I was dating this boy. He got a bit fresh, and I had to report him. My work rival brought him in, and my boss assigned me a week of desk duty 'to recover' and six months counseling. It was horrible." Sirius paused in his cooking, looking outraged. Remus seemed angry but unfazed, like he knew the story. But Ginny felt a sudden warmth well up inside her. Tonks was saying she understood, and Ginny felt a deep gratitude to the metamorphagus. "Thanks." She smiled. Tonks smiled back.

...And then Harry Potter and his three cohorts in late night dancing stumbled into the kitchen, and all hell broke loose.

**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Especially since I don't write many actual scenes with dialogue like this... But, I figure, I can't do one-shots forever, and I should really learn how to write all the aspects of a story! **

**Next up: an arrest is made and time passes.**


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